It might sound silly, but I was watching a commercial on TV and when the guy kissed the girl romantically I realized how much I miss being held, caressed, and kissed sensationally. Then I thought I wouldn’t be missing the feeling if I hadn’t moved to London.
I know I always have a home back in the U.S. with all the love one can get in this world, but I have to confess I’ve had cold feet a few times recently about going back. It feels good that I have a decent job and a residency status here. I’m kinda enjoying not to live a student life anymore. But that’s about it, there’s nothing more to it for me here, while there in the States lives the man whom for the first time I felt like being able to and desiring to spend the rest of my life with.
I’m confused. I don’t know how to choose between these two worlds. I know nothing is more important than loving and being loved, but at the same time I know I’m not a risk taker and I’m afraid of not being able to find a decent job in the States.* Part of me wants to remain where I am and keep the job, and part of me wants to quit right at this moment and go back home. One comes with lonesome nights not having anybody (well better to say not having your beloved) to hold you, and one comes with the fear of not being able to work and becoming a housewife with all its damaging effects (particularly for me.)
I’m torn between the two worlds. But nonetheless, that guy in the commercial kissed that girl so romantically. Now I will be longing for such a kiss and will be down for a while :(
*I just should add that I can’t go back to Iran any more. So, ironically, that option is out and at least I’m not dealing with choosing between three countries! I’ve already kissed the dream of going back to Iran goodbye and won’t be back to my country for a long time.
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Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 6:07 pm
nava
Dear Khorshid-khanoom,
I’ve been a reader of your blogs – both of them – for a long time. I have also left comments here and there for you. Somehow, it makes me feel I know you, although cyber-friendly.
This is a tough situation, I can imagine. I don’t dare to give you suggestions or advice as I’m not in an expert’s situation, and I have confusions of my own. But maybe you can talk to someone who can help you find out which option is more preferable for you, or even if there is a third option (like him moving to London with you???).
There is another option. Some people do not agree with him, and do not like him. But I like his bold way of thinking, his being very realistic, and very streight. Talking about “Dr. Holakouee”. He has a radio program and a TV one (on “Andisheh”). Maybe talking to someone who looks at the situation from completely another point of view, can help. You can find his website and call him on one of his programs. If you need more information about him, drop me a line, and we’ll talk more.
It’s difficult to be in such situation. Just know that there are people whom you don’t even know personally, and they wish you the best. I’m one of them.
Be happy and good luck :)
–
Lady Sun:
Dear Nava, Thank you so much for your nice comment. I also used to read your blog for a while and enjoy it, but then I stopped reading English blogs (as well as writing one myself!) Should get to your blog to catch up with the posts I’ve missed :)
I will sure think about your suggestion. We have actually talked to a lot of people about the situation. Everybody told us that I should come to London for at least one year and then see what happens after that. My partner should stay in the U.S. for at least 3 more years because of his PhD. So, I think the best option would be if I get a job in the U.S. (for which we should look forward to see if Mr. President can do any magic about with the present economy!) For now I’m looking forward to my next month trip to the U.S.
Again, thanks for your kind and caring email. Hope we stay in touch. :)