We Tango Alone by In-Grid

Listen to the English version here.

Lyrics in English and French (they’re a bit different from each other)

Thanks Ata jan for sharing this with us!

broken

Something broke last night…

going nuts by the silence

I can’t sleep again. I know why. I can’t sleep in silence, and I am all surrounded by silence now. Even the music doesn’t help. I feel really miserable, because I’ve become dependent on someone who can break the silence by holding me. I’m totally dependent, and now that person is gone. I go nuts by the silence. I’m going nuts…

frustrated

Gosh, it was just last night that I felt so good to write. It didn’t last even 24 hours. I’m confused again, and the pain is starting to hit back. I’m frustrated. Am I getting bipolar?

It’s raining

*Listen to the Falling Rain by Jose Feliciano

The first week that I was back was like hell. I was crying on and on. It was unbearable, but, ironically, like many other unbearable moments in the past, I bore with the unbearable. I’m really good at surviving. I went out with my friends almost everyday. For the first time I appreciated being in two departments, although that means writing two thesis. I was hanging out with people from both departments. I drank a lot (well, a lot for me means two or three glasses of wine.) I went walking, I went to my advisor’s house, chatted with her and drank with her. She gave me a good sense of support. She’s always understanding and supportive. It felt so good to be in touch with her again. I met with my other adviser who gave me good ideas for my project. I started the new semester with good energy, and I enjoyed the rain. It’s raining constantly. The weather is beautiful. Right now it’s pouring and my feet are soaking (my laptop is under the shade so it’s safe!). I just feel good sitting outside my apartment and enjoy the sound and freshness of the rain.

***

And gosh, I don’t feel frozen anymore. I can love again. The passion has come back to me, and it feels so damn good. My friend is helping me tremendously. I feel so lucky. I feel loved. I feel like I’ve been given another chance to live and love again. I’m so positive and optimistic. I think I can handle the rest. I have someone to take care of me, to love me, to hold me, and to understand me. I must have been really lucky to have this friend. I think I’m getting my star back…

***

I didn’t write for a while, because at some moments the pain was too much, and at some moments I was too confused. I lost the ability to articulate myself on those moments of pain and confusion. I was crying constantly instead of thinking. But right now I feel much better. I think it’s time to move on. I should start a new life. The most difficult moment is passed with the help of the friends I once thought I don’t have. I should get back my words about not having friends. I do have friends, great friends, and I’m so grateful for that.

There is a kind lady who helped me a lot in the past couple of weeks. I wish I see her one day, hold her in my arms, and thank her from the bottom of my heart for being there for me, at a time that I thought I’m losing it. She was like an angle coming from the skies. Thank you dear lady. Thanks for the precious and hard-to-find kindness you offered to me, although you had a lot of problems yourself. You have no idea how helpful your kind words were. Now I know where the passion in your work comes from. It comes from your kind heart and beautiful mind.

where did you go?

I don’t know what to do. Whatever I do turns out to be wrong. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, and more than anything, I miss what I had, at least just a few months ago. What happened to all that? Where did you go? How did you end up shouting at me so senselessly? What happened to all those great moments? What happened to you? Where did you go?

One Last Goodbye by Anathema

(Youtube is under maintenance now. Double click to see the video on Youtube website.)

How I needed you
How I grieve now you’re gone
In my dreams I see you
I awake so alone

I know you didn’t want to leave
Your heart yearned to stay
But the strength I always loved in you
Finally gave way

Somehow I knew you would leave me this way
Somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
And my being

In my dreams I can see you
I can tell you how I feel
In my dreams I can hold you
And it feels so real

I still feel the pain
I still feel your love
I still feel the pain
I still feel your love

And somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And somehow I knew you would leave me
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
Oh I wish, I wish you could have stayed

***

Check another version of this song here.

free fall

I yearn for the touch, for the whispers in my ears, for the drunk moments filled with oblivion, passion, and ecstasy. My skin is getting stretched. I feel the pain. I reach out, but it’s fruitless. I fall. It’s a free fall.

the framed beauty

The eyes in the framed picture were blaming me. I didn’t know, I didn’t know. I looked at the eyes, the beautiful innocent eyes, the simple smile, the ivory skin. I wanted to touch her face, connect to her, tell her I didn’t want to hurt her, tell her I didn’t know. Tell her I was alone.

I want to forget, I want to forgive, but the innocent eyes in the frame are staring at me. How can I forget? How can I forgive?

Haleh Esfandiary released

I just heard that Haleh Esfandiary is released on a $300,000 bail, after forced TV confessions and three months and a half of solitary confinement . I hope Kian Tajbakhsh will be released soon as well.