I missed him so much. I still miss him. But it seems he suddenly decided to be difficult, as if he suddenly realized that he had compromised too much. At first I tried to leave him alone, hoping that he would deal with his anger and realize that things are not as bad as he thought, but it didn’t help at all. In fact, it had a reverse effect. He became colder. Then, after I was over with some problems of my own and got my sanity back, I tried to reach him. But it seems it was too late. He’s completely frozen, totally unreachable, to the extent that he even gets rude with me sometimes. So, I realized I should not try anymore. He’s gone, or at least he’s decided to look that way.

I don’t know what to do. He’s become too difficult. If he wasn’t rude to me, I would still try. But bad memories keep coming back to me when he acts rudely. I feel as if history is repeating itself, as if someone else is being rude to me again and I keep quiet just because I want to keep the relationship. I’m so sorry. I really like him. He was the only one who was there for me when I was going through a break down. He helped me pass that era, made me happy, made feel alive again. But now he’s turning his back to me, because I didn’t act properly when I was dealing with my own problems. I kept repeating to him that I couldn’t behave well, because I was lacking the energy, because I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life, but he didn’t understand/believe me.

It’s so sad. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to insist, fearing that I’d make him uncomfortable. I don’t know what’s the right way to approach him. Whenever I say something, he reacts so coldly or harshly that I feel either I’ve said something wrong, or it’s so over that I’m just bringing myself down.

All these days that I was alone here, the only thing that made me feel good was thinking about the good memories we had together, little things that mattered a lot to me.  I remember once I was sleeping and he started wispering in my ears. I’m sure he said he loved me, but later he denied. That was the first time after a very long long time that I felt being like a woman again. The passion was coming back to me. But I know, I made so many mistakes, because I was scared, confused, and frustrated.

While I’m noway in the position Scarlet Ohara was in Gone with the Wind, still I have no choice but to tell myself that I’ll think about what to do later. I know I should go home. When I get back home, I’ll definitely find a way to bring him back. I should just get back home…

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